Breathe

 I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But it’s killing me to see you go after all this time.

I've been feeling like I don't have any real friends. I feel like the people I've called my best friends for years are no longer my friends anymore. Sure I've pushed some away but that was because I felt like I was being used. They only talked to me when they needed me to give them advice, not when they needed someone to hangout with or wanted to hangout with. This feeling I've been having makes me want to be alone all the time. Yes, I hangout with friends but that's what it. I don't feel connected to them and I just want to feel connected with someone again. My best friend, Janna, moved away three years to Utah. I've visited her twice since she moved there. And then my supposed best friend, Austin, lies to me and doesn't talk to me anymore about anything going on his life. He would rather go to the bar with his coworkers then spend time with me, the girl he was not only in love with, but is best friends with her. I honestly feel like I'm drifting away from the people I call family.

Music starts playin’ like the end of a sad movie,
It’s the kinda ending you don’t really wanna see.
Cause it’s tragedy and it’ll only bring you down,
Now I don’t know what to be without you around.

 

That's how I feel, like a sad song by Taylor Swift and it is not great at all. The feeling that is, not the song, the song is good. Apparently right now, at this time in my life, I have to go without the people who I love and was told loved me. I'm not going to lie and say I'm okay with that because I'm not. And I may seem like I'm complaining but when you're the one that people go to just for advice, it's hard to know who truly is my friend and not someone who just needs me when it's convenient for them. I have every right to rant and bitch and say what I want because it's my right as an American and writer of this blog. 

And we know it’s never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You’re the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can’t,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to. 

Lyrics by Taylor Swift "Breathe"
Be Beautiful For You!